Friday, July 29, 2011

Cowboys & Aliens: Movie Review

Action heroes versus cowboys and aliens where thinking is not allowed.

"Cowboys & Aliens" is actually just Daniel Craig versus cowboys and aliens. It's very handy that he has an alien countdown timer bracelet on his wrist that doubles as a special alien killing machine. It works better than guns and knives which is all that real cowboys have. But Jake Lonergan (Craig) doesn't know how he got that bracelet, or what his name is, or who he is. He does know English.2011

Directed by: Jon Favreau

Screenplay by: Too many to name

Starring: Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford and Olivia Wilde

It's lucky for us that he knows English because at every break in the action he can utter every cliché line imaginable — but then again, what action movie is complete without "Let's get outta here!" being said at least once? The horrendous dialogue gives way to Indians speaking a made up language and disgusting aliens who don't speak but prod at you with three gooey fingers.

The aliens are here to discover our weaknesses. Although we, as human beings (and especially the cowboys that are passed off as human beings in Hollywood movies), have a lot of weaknesses, at no point is there an examination of our weaknesses or how the aliens are going to exploit them. Obviously it was just said because that is what is supposed to be said in an alien movie.

The mystery surrounding Daniel Craig's character in the beginning is then completely solved with a simple flashback soon after. I think at the 30 minute mark after we had a big battle between the cowboys and the aliens, the filmmakers then realized that Hollywood movies are supposed to be two hours long. So they then started a new nonsense story. This time surrounding Olivia Wilde's character since the target audience would rather see her naked than Daniel Craig. But just kidding, it's PG-13, there's no nudity.

"Cowboys & Aliens" is a mix of western, science fiction and action, and you'll just have to watch to find out how they add vampires to that mix. No popular movie is complete without them. Olivia Wilde's character tells us the secret on how to view this, "you have to stop thinking." Literally. But why should I have to?